I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
