I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
