She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
