i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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