He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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