isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize