Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
