The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
