she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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