If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
