I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
