what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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