Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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