My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
