WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
