dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
