he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Still dying that you shit outside
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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