i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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