Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
