I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
