I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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