ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
