I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize