Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
