Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
