Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
