Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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