We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize