she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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