You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
