So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
