the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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