Small penises have feelings too.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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