Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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