I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He kissed a someone with a penis
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
COCAINE IS GR8
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
