hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Drunk is a universal language darling
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
