I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
