I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize