the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
