make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
