god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
