i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
