1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
