I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize