why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
