Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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