Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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