cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
