Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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