TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
