i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
