Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
