I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
