i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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