btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
