This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
