you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize