Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
