shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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