Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
