there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
