Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
