I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize