I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
