Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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