...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
