One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
