Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize