i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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