Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
