i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I love you.
Bad choice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
