I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize