I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
