I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
