thus making me awesome and them whores
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
