I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
