I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
