I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
