hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
and you fell through a lawn chair
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
