You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
