I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
