I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize