i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
