Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
