the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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