Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize