Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was confusing and full of hummus
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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