Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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