i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
