she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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