but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
