Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
