A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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