The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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