If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
