I cannot find my penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We got so high we made milksteak
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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