I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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