Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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