that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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