Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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