Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize